


peace comes at dawn (but yours comes at night)

by chrysopos



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Anyways, DARKLING ON PAREM, F/M, SUFFER WITH ME, a l e k s a n d e r, alina loves aleks so much, anyway they're not going at each other's necks, because apparently i love to suffer, because saints i hate having to write those two figuring out their feelings for each other, because we all know he would, but he does it fOr rAVkA in this one, by chapter 2 actually everyone is kinda ooc, comradeship would be more appropriate?, did i mention established relationship, it gets a lot more intense in the next chapter, just because he could, not a oneshot, okay maybe not a friendship, pls love me, probably a twoshot, the aleks & nikolai friendship we've always needed, we love to see it, withdrawal aleks is kinda ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:55:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26505508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrysopos/pseuds/chrysopos
Summary: A flash, and everything was enveloped in darkness. She heard the screeches of the khergud as they were torn apart, the parem-enhanced Cut rippling through Fabrikator steel like a blade through paper.the darkling takes jurda parem to save ravka. goes into withdrawal after the battle. alina is worried. heavy hurt comfort and slight slight fluff
Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56





	1. you're willing to risk it

**Author's Note:**

> this came from a conversation on instagram with @philaetos (she has the same user on ao3, check out her work!!!!) where we considered the possibilities of our dear aleksander on jurda parem. 
> 
> title is from peacefall by purity ring.
> 
> enjoy :)
> 
> all mistakes are my own x

“Saints,” cursed Nikolai. “We’re surrounded.”

The Ravkan tank they were in had long been separated from the rest. No doubt, a part of the Second Army would be looking for them. 

Only now, every way out of the barren land had been blocked by  _ khergud  _ soldiers. 

_ Bang. _

The  _ khergud _ were attacking the tank with a ferocious passion. It was already severely dented and would not hold for much longer.

“There’s no way out.” Out of the corner of her eye, Alina saw the Darkling lower his head to speak quietly with Nikolai. The young king’s eyes widened and his tone took on a hint of urgency.

“You’re the most powerful Grisha in the world. The after-effects could be fatal. Most Grisha don’t survive the withdrawal, and the rest get severely add—”

“I understand.”

“And you’re willing to risk it?” Aleksander nodded.

“Quickly.”

“Right- I still don’t like this idea, but I think Zoya confiscated some from a guard earlier.” Nikolai disappeared below deck and quickly reappeared with a small round tin. The rust-tinted powder on the sides was unmistakable— _ jurda parem _ . 

“No.” Alina shook her head. “ _ No. _ ”

Aleksander’s quartz-coloured eyes softened. “ _ Solnishka _ —”

“ _ No. _ I won’t let you take it.” She reached for the tin, but Aleksander held it aloft. 

_ The first dose was the strongest. _

_ Most Grisha don’t survive the withdrawal. _

“Aleksander—” The name was torn from her throat in her anguish. “ _ Don’t _ .”

He looked at her sadly. “It’s the only way, my  _ sol _ .”

“Nikolai,” she shouted. She was desperate now, pleading. “Stop him.”

“I’m sorry, Alina.”

Wisps of light floated from her fingertips. “Please.”

In one swift motion, before Alina could react, Aleksander had wrenched open the lid and poured the powder into his mouth. 

Alina screamed.

Just as fast as he had taken the  _ parem _ , the Darkling’s eyes flashed and tendrils of darkness shot out from his hands. Alina didn’t realise she was crying until she felt the wetness on her cheeks, tears falling onto the floor of the tank. She had never seen him so out of control.

The door of the tank was flung open. Alina saw the metal soldiers cluster close to the entrance, where the dark-haired man stood. 

His hands raised in the Cut.

A flash, and everything was enveloped in darkness. She heard the screeches of the  _ khergud  _ as they were torn apart, the  _ parem _ -enhanced Cut rippling through Fabrikator steel like a blade through paper.

Through the haze of activity, Alina summoned a spark of light from a lighted lamp held by Nikolai.

The Shu troops that had gathered behind the protection of their  _ khergud _ were advancing, the front-men’s rifles cocked and aimed at the Darkling. His eyes narrowed before he shot shadows at one of the men.

The transformation was quick. Alina saw the familiar black wings erupt from the Shu’s back, darkness spreading through him like the plague. He screamed, turning into a  _ nichevo’ya _ before the Darkling killed him with a flick of his wrist. 

He raised his hands to do the same to the rest of the Shu soldiers. 

“Stop!” Alina had seen enough. 

The Darkling didn’t turn. “Why? They pose a threat to us all.” 

She felt along the tether, and knew his heart was racing, not only a side effect of the drug. He feared for them. And in that moment she knew he was still human.  _ Parem _ had not yet made him a monster.

“Give them a chance to surrender, to flee. And the war will be no more.”

He stood, unmoving.

“ _ Please _ , Aleksander.” 

She had not dared to think of him as  _ Aleksander _ in this drugged state, refused to associate this ruthless Grisha with her loving, devoted Aleksander.

The name seemed to have an effect on him, however. He dropped his hands, walking out of the tank. Just as she thought it was over, he called out to them.

“You have one chance to retreat to your King and tell him that the war is over. Alternatively, you have seen what has happened to your companions and faithful metal soldiers.”

Alina could have wept in relief.

———

The Darkling had been sitting in the same spot for ages. His breathing had slowed, but his eyes still glittered from the effects of the drug. He had requested for everyone to leave the cabin, but the Triumvirate and Nikolai took turns sitting at the door, peering in through the small glass window from time to time.

Alina did not leave the closed wooden door. She sat there, silent, unmoving, and refusing to eat or drink. No matter how much Nikolai or Genya pleaded with her to have some dry bread or water, she stubbornly shook her head or replied with “no”, lapsing back into silence. Only when Zoya threatened to break down the door and disturb the man did she reluctantly take a few bites. 

The first day was relatively uneventful, and they managed to locate the Second Army on their way out of the barren land. David didn’t leave the steer, face set emotionlessly and focusing on getting them back to Ravka.

———

It was the middle of the night when he first screamed. 

Alina had been just short of breaking down the door to get to him. She heard footsteps and vague whispers, making out Zoya and Nikolai’s hushed urgency. 

Aleksander lay on the hard metal floor, trembling, his breaths heavy and irregular.

Alina reached out a hand, and tentatively touched his arm. He flinched away. 

“He’s experiencing the tremors and the hypersensitivity, possibly heightened by the extent of his power. Try not to touch him.” murmured David. 

“How much worse will it get?” She dreaded the answer.

“If he gets through tonight, tomorrow, it will get better.”

_ It will get better. _ Alina clung to David’s words like a lifeline.

“Send out light if you need us. He won’t want many people around.”

Alina nodded, sinking to the floor beside her love. Nikolai set a lit lantern down beside her. 

As soon as Nikolai and the Triumvirate left, Aleksander uttered a soft groan and tried to turn away. 

“How bad is it?”

Silence.

“Aleksander?”

Silence.

If he was ignoring the use of his true name, it had to be terrible.

Alina settled down between him and the lamp, playing with the light absent-mindedly. 

“The light…” His voice was hoarse when he finally spoke, startling her. “Dim the light…”

Brow furrowed, Alina bent the lamplight away from him, questions forming in her mind. 

The silence lingered for a while before Aleksander spoke.

“ _ Saints _ , it hurts.” 

Aleksander never swore. It was quiet, barely noticeable, but it felt like a dagger driven into her heart. “How?”

He tried to laugh, but the sound came out harsh.

“Like I’m burning on a pyre.”

She’d thought that she had exhausted her supply of tears the previous day, but her wet eyes proved her wrong. 

“Why are you crying,  _ moya solnishka _ ?”

_ My little sun _ . 

His gentle words brought on a fresh flood of tears. She buried her face in her hands, hating herself for crying then. 

Shaking her head, she wiped away the tears, giving Aleksander a weak smile. “It’s alright. I’m sorry.”

He sighed.

“It’s just… I’m worried.” She whispered this last, not wanting to burden him more. 

Aleksander gave a grim smile.

“I understand. You told me not to take it but I did anyway. The fault is mine, my  _ sol _ .”

“If you hadn’t, we wouldn’t be able to defeat the Shu.”

Silence.

“We could have found another way.”

Alina shook her head.

“We would never have done that in time. What you did was right, Aleksander. It was noble, especially when you already knew—”

She broke off into a sob. It was then that the reality of it all hit her—that Aleksander might not survive the night, that she would have to live the rest of her power-extended days alone. 

“Aleksander—”

She saw him hesitate before moving slowly forward, wincing, to gather her into his arms. Alina could hear the quick thrumming of his heart and knew that the touch was hurting him. She tried to pull away, but Aleksander only held her closer. 

“Aleksander. Come back. Come back to me.”


	2. he's the darkling after all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoya dusted off her hands. “You're welcome.”  
> Alina threw her arms around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the summary is like, pretty much the only nugget of fluff throughout the whole chapter im sorry 
> 
> withdrawal aleks is a little ooc bear with me
> 
> actually.. everyone is kinda ooc.. this chapter might be a little annoying bc of my complete inability to write but there IS a bomb drop in the middle,,, brace yourselves
> 
> again, hugs to @philaetos for reading the weird things i come up with and brainstorming with me ily laurie
> 
> all mistakes are my own!
> 
> for best effects listen to "carry you" by ruelle and fleurie while reading

He was restless, the craving for _parem_ and the aches keeping him up all night. Alina stayed by his side, keeping a conversation flowing to distract him from the pain and the hunger for the drug. 

At dawn, the Darkling went still and his breathing slowly evened out. Thinking he had finally managed to fall asleep, Alina let out a soft sigh.

She should have known that though his body had let him rest, the drug would not.

It was not long before he started tossing and turning. Soft grunts escaped his throat as the hard floor chafed his skin. 

_Parem_. No pity. 

Carefully she reached out to him, touching his exposed skin and immediately pulling back—his skin was burning hot. Aleksander was whimpering and crying now, each sound piercing Alina’s heart and lodging itself in the depths of her soul, and she ached for him. 

Remembering the presence of the lantern, she summoned the light with a shaky hand and directed it towards the main cabin. Almost immediately, Nikolai and Zoya burst into the room. 

“What is it?” Then they caught sight of the Darkling. 

“He’s burning up. I need a washcloth and a basin of cold water. _Please._ ” Nikolai turned and made to retrieve the items. Zoya lingered for a while, dark eyes watching Alina as she sank to the floor and buried her face in her hands.

“Starkov.”

Alina sighed, lifting her tired face to look Zoya in the eye. “No offence, Zoya, but I’m really not in the mood for this.”

“No, I wasn’t going to—” She ran a hand through her dark hair. “I just meant—he’ll be alright, Alina. He _is_ the Darkling after all.”

Oh.

Alina let go of the breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. “I… thanks.”

Zoya left with a nod. “Believe in him.”

Alina slumped against the wall. _Who knew Zoya had the capacity to be nice?_

———

Once she had the washcloth, she dipped it into the water and began wiping at Aleksander’s brow, whispering quiet, soothing words. 

Suddenly, he started convulsing. 

It was all Alina could do not to cry out. Her heartbeat quickened as she moved to protect his head from the wall beside and behind him. It became clear that the situation was beyond her control, so she screamed the first name that came to mind. 

“ZOYA!”

The Squaller threw open the door.

“What?”

Alina was sobbing now. “Help. Please.”

She saw Zoya move towards Aleksander and turned away, crying too hard to see clearly. Yes, her mind had been right—she needed Zoya’s composure.

Seconds turned into minutes and after an agonizing period of time, Aleksander’s body went still. Zoya dusted off her hands. “You're welcome.”

Alina threw her arms around her.

———

Nikolai and the Triumvirate stopped by periodically to check on them. Alina still would not eat. Genya, never giving up on her, left water and bread by her side. 

Aleksander’s breathing was labored and he was still practically unconscious, but at least he wasn't seizing. Moving to his side to check on him, Alina lifted him slightly and gently supported his back. Only this time it didn't get better—he was still struggling to take in oxygen.

Then he stopped breathing altogether.

———

Alina’s heart had stopped. She was sure it had. It had become nearly impossible to breathe, and she felt her body trembling. All she could see was the Darkling’s— _Aleksander’s_ —lifeless body laid out on the hard wooden floor, still and unmoving, no breath to show that he had any life left in him. Shaking hands felt around his neck, searching frantically for a pulse. Not accepting the stillness she felt underneath his ice cold skin, she gripped his wrist and pressed down at the area where his radial pulse should be. 

Nothing.

Fear tore through her as a guttural screech ripped itself from her throat. 

“ _No!_ ”

She felt separated from her being, as if she was an outsider in her own body. _Was that me?_ Alina didn’t even know if she was capable of such a sound. 

At that moment Alina detested every fibre of her being, hated herself for being so helpless, wanted to just _help him_ , for Saints’ sake. 

“Sasha?” Her voice caught on the diminutive form of his name. She didn’t use it often, but it always felt special to her. “Sasha, _please_ , I need you to breathe.” Alina felt tears spilling out of her eyes again. _Saints_ , what was with all this infernal _crying_?

He was unresponsive, and Alina, despairing, pressed a palm to his chest, willing all the light in the world to _cleanse him, heal him, remove the drug from his body_. 

She was using too much energy. She could feel it. A deep exhaustion set into her bones, and letting go of the light, the Sun Summoner collapsed onto the floor.

———

Aleksander Morozova had felt pain.

He’d lived for centuries, first as the Black Heretic, then a slew of titles after him. He had experienced more than his fair share of torture. Those experiences had more than hardened him enough so that he was indifferent to the sensation.

And yet, as he woke, he felt as if centuries of experience had come away in a matter of seconds. Every inch of his body ached, throbbed when he tried to move. His throat was dry. His skin felt like it was being set on fire. 

Forcing himself up, Aleksander took a deep breath, leaning against the cool metal walls of the cabin. He closed his eyes for a minute. Savouring the darkness against his lidded eyes. 

It was only when he opened them that he noticed her. 

Alina, his Sun Summoner, his little sun, was sprawled out on the floor, unconscious. 

The memories of the past days came rushing back to him, the searing pain that made this seem like a paper cut, the low, worried, loving voice that had been his lifeline, that had pulled him away from Death’s clutches. _Alina_. 

He sank to his knees beside her, smoothing away her snow-white hair from her pale face. He could feel his heart racing, already thinking the worst—had Death been angry at being cheated of one new victim? Had Alina traded her life for his? 

“No, no, _no,_ ” he murmured, hearing his voice rasp out the words. “Alina, _solnishka_ , wake up. Wake up.” 

He thought he saw her lips quirk up, but that might just have been a figment of his imagination. Cradling her in his arms, he repeated her name over and over like a prayer. Alina, Alina, _Alina_. Silently willing her to open those eyes, to let him glimpse those beautiful pools of darkened chocolate. 

Nothing happened. Aleksander let out a desperate sigh, leaving the unbearable silence hanging in the air.

And then, hoarse and soft, but unmistakable.

“You know, I’ve always loved the way you said my name.”

———

“Alina.” He spoke her name incredulously, carefully, as if afraid she would slip away. She smiled. 

“Sasha.”

He closed his eyes. “It’s been a long time since someone called me that.”

Alina hummed. She still felt weak, but knew it was a result of overexertion. “How are you feeling?”

Aleksander dismissed it with a wave, quartz eyes not meeting hers. “Fine.”

She stared at him, brown eyes boring into his body, willing him to tell the truth. 

He sighed. “Fine enough.”

A semblance of euphoria flicked across her face. “It worked!”

Aleksander raised an eyebrow. “What worked?”

Alina hesitated. “The… light.” 

“What light?” She sighed, knowing Aleksander would not stop until he got a definite answer.

“I… may have channelled light into you to quell the _parem_ ,” she admitted softly. Aleksander inhaled sharply, quartz eyes not leaving her face. 

“You did _what_?”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know what to do, and I wasn’t sure it’d even work, because I remember David or some other Fabrikator telling me that it had to be purged by the body itself, but you weren’t breathing, and I couldn’t think, and there wasn’t a heartbeat, and I thought you were—you were—” Aleksander held up a hand and Alina’s words stilled. She felt her heart racing, looking at Aleksander’s impassive face, schooled into indifference. 

Alina cast her eyes down.

“I thought you were _dead_.” 

It was barely a whisper, but Alina shuddered with the phantom memory of her terror. Aleksander sighed, quartz eyes softening as he pulled her close. 

She didn’t know her body was trembling until she felt the stillness of his, pressed flush against her chest. 

“It’s okay,” he murmured. “It’s over now. Thank you, for staying with me. I’m sorry… for making you worry like that.” Not trusting her words, Alina shook her head against the steady beat of his heart, and for the first time in days, Alina felt the burden on hers lighten considerably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i need to apologise for this entire chapter because i am utterly useless and unable to form even some semblance of good writing so im sorry
> 
> still hope i met your expectations though, do let me know :) 
> 
> for now i'll leave it at two chapters, but if i ever have the urge to write a third i'll probably explore how parem changed aleks's powers (it changed nina's... and aleksander's power is kinda unexplored territory bc of how powerful this man is)
> 
> as always, feel free to leave kudos/comments/feedback/constructive criticism, they help me improve and keep me going :)
> 
> find me on tumblr @moyatsaritsa or on instagram @collopcrtus!
> 
> xx sanne

**Author's Note:**

> ok so im MAYBE sorry for making them suffer like that but hey,,,, i love the pain
> 
> next chapter will most likely be worse so pls brace yourselves
> 
> as always, feel free to leave kudos/comments/feedback, they help me improve and keep me boing :)
> 
> find me on tumblr @moyatsaritsa or on instagram @collopcrtus!
> 
> xx


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